In 2000, Disney released a film based on one of its theme park rides, Mission to Mars. It bombed. In 2002, they tried again with The Country Bears. It also bombed. Way back in 1997, they released Tower of Terror. It was direct-to-television, so there’s no way to tell if it bombed or not. But you probably haven’t heard of it. Then, in 2003, they tried again with Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl. A box office smash, making over four times its budget and spawning multiple worse sequels. Now, it may be the worst pirate movie you’ve ever heard of, but you have heard of it.

Elizabeth Swann stands at the front of a ship as it floats through the wreckage after a pirate attack. She sees something in the water and the crew pulls it up on deck, revealing that it’s a boy who gives his name as Will Turner. Will has a pretty sweet necklace that Elizabeth swipes while no one is looking. Several years later, Will Turner (Orlando Bloom, doing his best Errol Flynn) is the apprentice of Port Royal’s blacksmith. He takes a sword he crafted to Governor Swann’s residence, and there, awkwardly says hi to Elizabeth (Keira Knightly). The arrival of Captain Jack Sparrow (Johnny Depp) in a sinking dingy shakes things up and that very night, Port Royal is attacked by the pirate crew of the Black Pearl. They’re out looking for that necklace that Elizabeth stole from Will because they’re cursed and undead until all the gold they stole from Cortez’ stash is returned. Elizabeth, because she’s wearing the necklace, gets taken aboard the Black Pearl and gives her name as Turner. Will helps Jack escape from prison and together, they sail out to follow the Black Pearl. The captain of the Black Pearl, Barbossa (Geoffrey Rush), takes Elizabeth to Isla de Muerta and has her give back the gold with a drop of her blood, but the crew soon realizes they are still cursed. Will rescues Elizabeth, leaving Jack behind, and then Jack watches as the crew of the Black Pearl take over the Interceptor, the ship Jack and Will used to get there. Once everyone is captured, Jack and Elizabeth are marooned on an island Jack has been marooned on once before – when the Black Pearl mutinied and removed him as captain – while Will is taken back to Isla de Muerta since the coin necklace was his father’s (who was a crew member of the Black Pearl) piece of the treasure. Jack and Elizabeth are rescued by Port Royal’s commadore, Norrington, and they set out to save Will and destroy the Black Pearl crew. Up until the very end, we are left to wonder whose side Jack Sparrow is on.

As I alluded to earlier, Disney was on a losing streak with theme park-themed movies. And so, originally, The Curse of the Black Pearl was going to look very different. It was going to have Hugh Jackman (doing a Burt Lancaster impression) and Robert De Niro in the Jack and Barbossa roles, and it was going to be played much more straight. When Johnny Depp came in with his Keith Richards impression, Disney’s CEO, Michael Eisner, accused Depp of ruining the movie and at one point, tried to get production shut down. Luckily, the filmmakers persisted. A lot of the supernatural elements to the movie were also added last minute to give it a much-needed edge. This was also the first PG-13 rated film from Walt Disney Pictures. There was a lot of uneasiness going in. However, despite all of the misgivings, it was still released, and it was a big hit as soon as it did. Johnny Depp as the unhinged Jack Sparrow makes the movie a treasure, and speaking of treasure…

Bonus Review: National Treasure

Your favorite actor, and mine, Nicolas Cage, stars as Benjamin Franklin Gates, the descendent of a long line of treasure protectors and nutjobs who are obsessed with treasure that has been held since ancient times and carried over to America during the time of the Founding Fathers. Ben’s grandfather held the idea of the treasure in high regard, telling Ben the stories that had been passed on to him, but Ben’s father, Patrick (Jon Voight), wants nothing to do with it. Ben and his best friend/computer expert, Riley Poole (Justin Bartha), are joined by a crew led by Ian Howe (Sean Bean, but don’t worry, he lives) and travel to the Arctic to find another clue about the treasure’s location on the remains of a ship. That clue indicates that another clue can be found on the back of the Declaration of Independence (in order to present our modern culture with limitless meme fodder, presumably). Ian betrays Ben, leaving him and Riley on the ship as they prepare to make it blow up, but the two men escape just in time. Now, they have to steal the Declaration of Independence before Ian can. Abigail Chase (Diane Kruger), who works at the National Archives and has a strange infatuation with the Declaration, joins Ben and Riley as they make their escape. Clues lead to more clues involving the Silence Dogood letters, the Liberty Bell, and Benjamin Franklin’s 3-D bifocals. But when they make it to Trinity Church in New York, Ian catches up. Together, they investigate the catacombs beneath the church until Ben sends Ian on a misdirect. Ben, Abigail, Riley, and Patrick successfully find the treasure and use it as leverage to get out of going to prison.

I was being genuine earlier. Nicolas Cage is so fun to watch. His overacting is an art form, it transcends style. And he’s really good at half-whispering some pretty goofy dialogue: “I’m gonna steal the Declaration of Independence.” The supporting characters are solid, but are definitely in the background, in my opinion. The real joy of this movie is just that’s another Disney-produced adventure film that actually works. No, it’s not the greatest heist movie of all time. It’s not The Sting or Rififi or Ocean’s Eleven (the George Clooney one, miss me with the Rat Pack version). But it’s exciting, fast-paced and high energy. National Treasure is a great companion to Pirates of the Caribbean, especially if you don’t want to watch one of its sequels.